Archive for February, 2009

Online Dating Advice For Beginners

So you are thinking about joining the online dating scene for the first time? When you first start communicating online for the first time it can be a bit daunting. If you’re unsure of yourself or having second thoughts you’re not alone. The good news is, it does get easier, and everything starts moving alone more smoothly. To help you get more enjoyment out of your online dating experience there are some tips below.

Honest is the best policy, and this should be from the beginning. Your profile is where you honesty should start as there’s no point in fabricating the truth. Most lies will get discovered on the first date which will ruin any chances of starting a relationship. Being honest will mean you’ll meet someone straight away who likes you for who you are.

A photo is a must for your profile, and will get you up to twenty times more emails than if you don’t upload one. Most dating sites allow you to upload a photo. To keep on your honesty theme you should upload a recent one that shows what you look like now.

Don’t use one from ten years ago when you had more hair. If you don’t have one, just have a friend take one with their digital camera. Profiles with pictures are more likely to be viewed. A photo not only shows everyone what you look like, but it shows you have nothing to hide.

Never share any of your personal information online. Not everyone who used a dating service is as honest as you. You should not use your last name in your profile. Your address and any other personal information should stay personal. At some point you’ll meet someone that you’ll want to speak with on the phone. It is best to give a cell number as this number is not tractable to an address. Once you get to know someone you can let your guard down a bit, and reveal some information about yourself.

You should always be nice; this isn’t the elementary school playground. Some people won’t be so nice because of the anonymity of the internet. If you meet someone at an online dating service that isn’t nice you can easily block them from ever contacting you again.

The important thing is, you must have fun. Looking for that perfect match could take some time so enjoy your experience every day. If you’re enjoying yourself you will end up having as much fun looking for someone as you will finding a partner. You won’t click with the first person you meet, but don’t let this discourage you from continuing on your love quest.

You’re going to eventually meet someone you would never have met offline. Just because you’re attempting to meet someone online don’t let that stop you from meeting new people when you’re out.

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How to Deal With a Breakup If Youre Still in Love with Your Ex

There is no easy answer to how to deal with a breakup when you are still in love. Breakups are emotionally draining at the very least, whether you are leaving or the one who has been left. There is no magic formula to take the pain away, but there are things you can do to make it as easy as it can be.

The first step is to accept that it has happened or is happening. It is nearly impossible to resolve a conflict or bring closure to a situation when one of the people simply refuse to look at the reality of it. We all like to hold on to romantic notions and memories of the past, but this isn’t the time to keep yourself in your room playing sappy love songs and staring at old pictures. You can only change what you acknowledge, and there is no use trying to pretend it away.

Secondly, cut the crap. Too many of us lack the skills needed to express ourselves or handle conflict in a healthy way and end up resorting to manipulation. If you are genuinely devastated, acting immature will only make things worse. Begging and pleading will do nothing to make situation better, and is absolutely not how to deal with a breakup when you’re still in love.

Lastly, take responsibility and don’t blame anyone else. Let go of the victim mentality and take responsibility for your part of the situation. Don’t make excuses and blame others, but admit that you have contributed to the issue at hand. Don’t make empty promises to smooth things over that you can’t keep. Past issues always come to the surface again, so it is best to deal with it right the first time. Be honest in your evaluation of yourself and try to see it from their point of view.

If you are still in love and trying to figure out how to deal with a breakup,remember that handling it in a mature and honest way will greatly increase the chances of them taking you back. Many of us act in unhealthy and hurtful ways when we feel backed in a corner or hurt and vulnerable. You can make it through this rough time if you step back and take the time to think things through and make good, sound choices on how to move forward.

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The Five Languages of Love

One of the best books we have read in our marriage is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The info we gleaned from this book has supported us and uplifted our marriage numerous times. It was amazing how that happened once we learned how we like to be loved and how we love each other.

Five Languages of Love

Love languages are time, touch, service, gifts and words. Everyone has a language that makes them feel loved and cared for. You can have two but not usually. Figuring out what someones love language is can be quite challenging and possibly cause problems, like this:

Julie turned 50 last month and I wanted to make sure it was as memorable a birthday as she is. So I set about making plans with her mom to do one of our favorite things – go to a WSU Cougar basketball game and make a full getaway weekend of it. I had every little detail planned where to stay, eat, how to get there. Only thing I was going to handle later was childcare for our brood. I couldn’t wait to see her face!

Now let me tell you – she did like the gift, just not jumping up and down screaming excited. Why? Those child care issues weighed heavy for her and overshadowed the rest of the weekend. It was hard for me to understand what the issue was because my love language is time and this hit every note of that. The problem, this wasn’t a gift to me, it was a gift for her! It is not uncommon to give love in the same language you receive love in. What will trip you up is if your spouse isn’t fluent in that love language too!

The Us Factor by Dr. Joseph Melnick

We’ve recently been listening to the Us Factor by Dr. Joseph Melnick, a new marriage program designed to help make a marriage better (or save it altogether). One of the things Dr. Melnick encourages in his program is to really listen to your partner, and that’s exactly what I did.

So a date night came up, we went and had a great time. As the evening was nearing the end, Julie asked if we could discuss her birthday gift. I said okay and tried to focus on listening and not defending which is a tendency of mine when I feel I’ve done something wrong. During the course of the discussion, we realized that even though we thought Julie’s love language was time, we discovered it wasn’t her first language. This became apparent that my handling the childcare situation made her feel cared about. Still struggling to understand, I asked her to describe a perfect present.

The Perfect Gift

After processing the idea of a bit, she expressed how she would look back fondly on her 50th remembering going out to dinner. You see I had arranged to not have to work and the kids got all spiffed up (and also disengaged from the Wii). We did it up right and she didn’t have to lift a finger. It seems service is her first love language, with time a runner up. Service means sacrifice something of yourself for another (e.g. my work, kids dressing up). I also served her that day by washing the inside and outside of her car. That is quite a feat with our 5 grubby kids. She really enjoyed that too.

A hearty thank you to Dr. Melnick (Us Factor) and Gary Chapman (The Five Love Languages) for facilitating a growing moment for me and Julie. Our marriage is better for it. The Five Love Languages book is a must read for every married couple.

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How To Make Him want You Back Advice

I am a man and today I am going to give you some decent advice from a man’s perspective point of view. Do you want to learn how to make him want you back? A break up can be reversed but you must be ready to treat your ex in a way that he will start thinking about coming back.

To make him want you back, you first need to belief that you can do it. We as men respond very well to confidence, If you are showing your own insecurity, we get less interested in you. On the other hand, if you are confident and you act like you don’t care, you can become our magnet. So be confident that you can get your ex back,Ok?

Show us that we need you, remind us of the past moments that we enjoyed together but don’t do it in a desperate way. If you show us your worth, we may start thinking that we need you and the next thing for us to do is chasing you again.

When you dress nice, sexy and you put on some make up, we will find you attractive. Make us desire you, make us want you, make us see what we are missing by taking care of the way you dress and the way you present yourself towards us.

What my male friends tell me explains a lot about their exes. Listen women, we don’t find it attractive when you call us several times a day, we will want you back more if you call us back after a day or two. Act like you don’t care and you will become a magnet.

How to make my ex boyfriend want me back means that you should show us that you have accepted the break up and that you have moved on with your life. If you ignore us and let us know that you have accepted that we should be broken up, we may start wondering thinking about you again.

How to make him want you back is as simple as following these strategies I have outlined in here. There are many more other things that you can do too. So don’t forget to check the free resources below. Be confident, stay positive, stop chasing us and we will start wanting you back

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Want Some Dating Advice?

Dating advise is abundant all over the internet, in magazines, books, newspapers and on TV. Dating advice is so easy to give that an eight-year-old even wrote a book about it. That kid is pretty smart and must be really good with the girls, because while basic, all of his dating advise rings true. And that’s it really – when it comes to dating, keep things simple.

Leave your past behind. It just drags you down. Anyone you get dating advise from will tell you that to have even one successful date, you need to dump all your baggage and start afresh. Boring your date with tales of ex’s misdeeds is a definite no-no. Don’t let old hurts get in the way of new opportunities.

Dating advise pointer number 2, is to be yourself. Sure, people like to put their best foot forward, and impress their date, but faking only makes both you and your date uncomfortable.

Another useful bit of dating advise is to manage your expectations. If you expect too much out of one date, or of the person you are dating, it’s likely that you will be discouraged by the results. Even your date is just human, and first dates are notorious for disasters.

A frequently asked question is who foots the bill? Most givers of dating advise agree in principle on this one, that it is the person who initiates the date that pays. However, some people insist that it’s better to go Dutch every time and avoid complications. There’s another school of dating advise thought though, that suggests that the man is not a ‘gentleman’ if he doesn’t pick up the tab. In the case of a difference of policy between you and your date, come to a compromise that works for both of you.

Texting your date before meeting is also a good idea as it puts him or her at ease and allows you to discuss interests, hobbies in an informal and less tense environment than a first date would be. This gives you something to work with if conversation lags.

The most important bit of dating advise though, is to remember that no one date is a deal-breaker. No date is the be-all and end-all, so if one doesn’t work out, never fear, there will be others. If it still doesn’t work, there are always other people to date.

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Getting Back Together with Ex in Steps

When you have just broken up why is it the first thought you have can often be, “how do I get back together?” It’s almost a knee jerk reaction to want things the way they were. Without even considering what caused the breakup or what needs to change in the relationship, your overwhelming thought is just to be back together.

It can be very confusing when a breakup happens and it is easy to become depressed. What exactly you can do to mend the relationship is something you find yourself wondering all day long. Probably your first reaction is to pick up the phone and call. You figure you can always beg to get back together, right? Rather than make things better, what this probably will do is make your situation much worse, chasing your ex away even further.

You always hear you should trust your instincts not now!! What you should actually do at this point is the opposite of what you are feeling. Do you feel like calling your ex? Don’t! Do you feel like staying inside and crying all day long? Don’t! Instead, follow these three basic steps and you will have the answer that you need to the age old question “How do I get back together with my ex?”

One of the biggest problems with a breakup is the constant questioning of what went wrong. We all have been in situations where we just can’t stop ourselves from rehashing things over and over. If you can get yourself to the point that you can accept the reality of where you are this will be a big help in moving forward and possibly getting back together. When things are calm it’s easier to look at things and make good decisions. If your ex knows that you accept where things are, it makes it more likely that a meaningful conversation can start.

Another way to release tension is to not communicate for a while. The old saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder has endured because its true. This may seem counterintuitive, but by creating distance you are signaling that you have already moved on and that you are doing just fine.

Your ex will only want to get back together is they miss you and want you around again. You have to take an active role in creating time where you are not there and they can think about what your relationship really means.

It may be very hard to do the above steps . After all what you are doing is not just reacting , but taking thoughtful action instead. You do need to consider how things could play out when you see your ex again. You need to be ready to pay close attention to how they act and what is actually said. This will allow you to get a better idea of whether or not your ex still loves you, and also if there is any chance that will be able to get back together.

“How to get back together with my ex?” This isn’t an easy question, but the best advice is to be calm and open to whatever situation presents itself. Having given the relationship some breathing room it is often clear that there are real feelings between people which can lead you to reconnect.

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Finding And Dating A Sugar Momma

On the outside, a sugar momma can seem like a dream come true. And if you aren’t wealthy, somewhat of a life saver. Finding them has become far easier, with websites that are shamelessly based on this type of dating.

Getting one isn’t so simple though. And even if you are successful, you have to understand that the rules are different than normal dating. Here’s a few ideas that can help you with all of this.

The first thing you need to realize is that you are being objectified. Cutting through any thoughts you might have of some raging feminist, let’s take a look at what that results in: a role reversal of sorts. These women know exactly what they want, and you had better fit the bill. So if you aren’t young, decent looking, and in reasonable shape, you’ll have a hard time finding success. Think of the dirty old man dating the 18 year old girl. Now imagine you are the 18 year old. In this situation, you are valued for what you bring to the table physically.

So you fit this bill. Lucky you! Now you have to remember to show your value constantly. You are offering these women something of value – youth, energy, and good looks. And you expect the best. They will drag you down very fast if this is in question. Be up front about what you will and will not put up with. She is used to owning things. Make sure she doesn’t see you as something she owns.

On the other hand, you need to hold up your end of the bargain. If you don’t show any appreciation for her, it will end fast. It’s not always easy. Can you look past some flaws with her look if the money is good? You had better be able to. Hey, you might get lucky and find a very nice looking one, but usually they are alone for a reason.

There can be several reasons why this is. She could have the temperament of a pitbull. Or she could be a widow, or have gone through a bad divorce. Any of these types will have fragile egos, so be cautious here. You won’t have the luxury a woman has in regards to protection if things go south. You could be setting yourself up for some nasty retribution. Handle issues you have with her with respect and grace, and you should do okay. When the relationship ends, if you break it off, makes sure she knows that it isn’t an issue of physical attraction, regardless if it is or not. In other words, leave her respectfully.

Moving on, let’s look at what you need to bring aside from yourself. Aside from a practiced set of manners, impeccable grooming and style, you’ll want to play into her romantic ideals. Go beyond the call of duty and offer her a sense of adventure, spontaneity, and romance. You aren’t just offering a physical toy, you should attempt to transform her world when you are in it. Simple enough, but it isn’t easy. It takes some work and a sense of attentiveness.

Given all this… why would you want to date someone like this? Is it at all rewarding? The answer is a resounding yes! If you are lucky enough to find an attractive one, that is great! She’ll also offer you, aside from financial relief, a lover who will, more than likely, be your superior. A woman’s libido is heightened as she gets older. Couple that with her experience, and you could be in for a really fun time. Add in the fact that you’ll probably be VERY well pampered and be able to experience things you never thought you would be able to afford. And who knows, this might actually grow into a good relationship.

If you fit the bill above, go ahead, but just remember to err on the side of caution, and treat her with respect. The rewards are quite fun and well worth it.

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My Friend Has Herpes – She Dated Again And Found Real Love

One of the girls in our group was very attractive and a really fun girl. All the guys loved her. That’s why we couldn’t understand why she was single for so long. She’d almost run away from suitors.

We were drinking one night and she told me her sad secret. A couple of years ago she had been diagnosed with herpes. Herpes is a long term sexually transmitted disease that you can control the symptoms of, but not really get rid of. When telling me this, I could see the distrust in her eyes. We’d been friends for 15 years yet she still feared my reaction. I’m not sure she expected the hug I gave her, she’d obviously had a real tough time with some people.

We talked about some of her ex boyfriends. There was one in particular who sticks in my mind. They were dating for months, it all looked wonderful from the outside. Everything was going so well yet when she told him, he just split. He didn’t even break up with her, he just never answered her calls or saw her again. It was one of the most heart breaking stories I’d ever heard.

The guy was a jerk, but you get that. There are plenty of awful people out there. The thing that I found really sad about this story was that when this little soul destroying episode happened, she had no-one to turn to. She was still coping with the shock herself, the self loathing and self disgust, so she had not told anyone yet. She had to shoulder this burden on top of her own issues.

Looking back on that night, I am glad she opened up to me and gave me the honour of supporting her. I think she appreciated the understanding ear too as many times after that night, she confided in me with all manner of issues she faced, things you’d never dream of unless you were in the situation. I hope I was a good friend to her during this tough time, I certainly tried to be.

During one of these discussion at a later date, she confided in me about the way she got back into dating. She was too scared to meet people through normal means, it was a case of one too many heartless reactions to her plight. So she joined a dating site created especially for people with STDs.

To begin with, most of her dating partners also had STDs so all of them understood the issues she faced. As they shared the issues, they understood the issues, so they could support each other during the “bad” times. This understanding from common ground itself helped my friend start to blossom again into the beautiful vibrant woman I grew up with.

The other thing that really helped her at this site was its interactive features. It was not so much the forum and chat features she told me, rather the online counsellor and daily news. Between these two features she really learned a lot about herself and herpes. It really helped her get on with things.

I’m glad she found it. She’s married now and he loves her so much.

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