Dating Advice - Who Really Is The Problem?

One thing that we hear lots of at Dating Down Under, are statements like "What's wrong with him?", "Why is she like that?" or the broader comments like "Why are all men like that?" and "Why do women do that all the time?". Have you been guilty of saying things like this, like so many of us? Well, you need to stop it.

The problem with comments and statements like the above is that they are blame oriented and they focus on things we cannot change. When we blame others for the woes in our life, we lose power to make a difference in our own lives. When we think too long on matters we cannot change, we are wasting time which we could be using, making the changes we need in our lives.

 

For example, think about a time when you had an evening with someone who just didn't treat you well. What we tend to do in situations like this is blame our date and spend the next day, week, even months (where do you fit?) telling our family and friends about how unfair this person was to us. In these situations, you may even put off dating for a while.

 

The problem with this response is that you are focusing on the other person, who you simply cannot change. Sure, you had a bad experience. Stop thinking about that though, the night is now part of your journey of growth. Think instead about the path that led you to dating this person. If you are honest with yourself, you will probably see some warning signs about this person prior to the bad evening. Reflect on those signs, learn your lesson and be a better person for it. So next time you will recognise those signs nice and early, avoid a bad date and spend your time with the high value people that really do exist everywhere. This way of thinking has the power to make real change in your life. It is much more productive than thinking and talking about the issues in someone else's life.

 

Similarly, if you are one who thinks "all men are bastards", or "all women are moles", I am guessing you have had a few bad experiences, possibly a string of them. If so, it is probably a good time to sit back and take stock. What is it within you that makes you date these people who clearly are not right for you. What lessons are you not learning about these people. Instead of focusing in on the negativity surrounding these people, work on changing you, so you spend your time with people who bring value to your life instead.

 

This is advice which is applicable to so many aspects of our life. At the beginning of my career for example, I had 5 jobs within 4 years. My C.V. was starting to resemble a trainline there were so many stops on it. The reason for this is that I kept blaming the companies I was working for, for my lack of contentment at work. I was blaming and not learning my lessons. When I finally realised it was not the company, but the role I was doing that was the problem, I found the "right" job in a different industry and stayed there for 11 years.

 

Dating is no different. Just because dating involves our hearts, it does not give us an excuse not to learn our lessons. If we do not learn from our dating disasters, we are bound to repeat our mistakes. Remember the saying:

 

Give me the strength to change the things I can change, the serenity to accept the things I can't change, and the wisdom to know the difference

 

Apply this adage to your dating life and watch your romantic life become much more fulfilling.

 

__________________________________________________________

 

Webmasters: You are welcome to reproduce this article for your own site on the condition you include the following footnote, including the link to this website.

 

Re-Produced by Dating Down Under: Australia's Premier Dating Information Site

 

Dating Older Men

 

.

Related Links